Comparatively Speaking

Have you ever heard good news from someone you know? Not necessarily a best friend or family member (although perhaps both could be included in this thought) just someone you “know.” They tell you about the raise they received at work, the vacation they’re taking or the lottery they just won. Your outward reaction is one of smiles and glee for the great bounty that life has poured out upon them; inwardly you seethe and think of all the reasons they don’t deserve it. Have you ever felt that way? I have.

I’m not sure why it is. I’m not sure why my inward reaction is one of jealousy, envy and greed. It’s not as though I deserve any grand fortune any more then the next guy. It’s not as though I’m any less fortunate in my own particular situation. They happen to be up and I happen to be the same. No evil has come my way, no harm has fallen on my life, and yet somehow I feel as though I’ve been gypped out of something. Somehow I’ve been robbed of this particular pleasure that was never mine to begin with.

I just heard from a semi close acquaintance of mine who is also a pastor. We started churches relatively at the same time. My church is fabulous; the people, the vibe, the groups…everything great. His church seems to be moving forward at a quicker rate (how I judge this I’m not sure, it just is) and things seem to be “better” for him. Now why on earth would I inwardly whish the downfall of this person. Why would I want him to fail? It wouldn’t affect my position either way; in fact, it may even hurt us if another professing follower of Christ is dragged through the mud. So why the feeling?

As I begin to contemplate this yucky feeling surging through my mind and emotions I begin to understand something. We (I?) live in a comparative world; a world where I constantly judge myself, my possessions, my success/failures through the lives of others. What a sick trap to fall into. It’s sick simply because I can never win. There will always be someone else, a litter faster, with little bit more money, with just a little bit “better” church then me. I find myself on this little unsatisfied ride and all it does is swing in circles and stop at people who are seemingly a little further ahead in life.

Well I for one am done with this ride and I want to get off. I’ve begun to discover this is tricky. As much as I hate the ride I continually get back on. I used to find freedom in the demise of others. This I realized was no way off; it was the same ride only in reverse. No, the only relief I find is being thankful and content with what I have. So I will be climbing of this ride now. I’ll focus on the goodness, the beauty and the wonder that is called the life of Kevin Hayes. I’ll turn my eyes to heavens above and simply say thank-you.

Perhaps then I’ll find joy in the lives of others, and maybe just maybe that was the purpose for us all along.